Falco's Ultimate Mistake
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Falco isn't too happy about Wolf and the others returning to the Smash neighbourhood.


Wolf ran up like a slick doggy boi and kicked Fox's dumb old keister with his steel toe boots. "Howdy-doo, losers!"

Falco spewed out his Mountain Dew in utter shock. "Holy Bread! It's you Wolf!" he chirped in his funky fresh Brooklyn accent.

Fox fell to the ground in defeat from the rear impact. "My, my… today just isn't my day, eh?"

Mario trotted up with a brand new chicken-flavoured wedding garb and slid up next to Wolf. "It's about time you got back in the game and into the hall of fame, old friend!"

"Mario, you and Wolf are friends?" exclaimed Falco. He was very cross.

"Yes, we went to Yale back in the 80's." Mario took out a coin, flipped it, and then made it transform into a giant inflatable seahorse. Mario is now an eccentric magician, you see.

Snake did a runny thing and pounced upon the seahorse. "Howdy-doo too!" he rasped in the ultimate David Hayter way.

"Snake, they let you back in here too?" said Falco suspiciously. "Dat's im-POHS-ibuhl!"

Mario wrinkled his incredible physics-engine-enabled nose as he studied the shocking display of Brooklyn-ness in Falco's tone. "Everyone is here, Falco," he explained.

Falco scoffed at the idiotic statement and strutted his way outside of the room with the utmost chicken-cultured walk cycle. "Nobody can touch my bread!" said the birdbrain.

Captain Falcon was standing outside texting Snake's better captain's quarters from Brawl. He saw Falco approached and put on his shield. Falco did not know why and was worried he was scaring the Captain of all hunky booties.

"Sorry, Falco, it's a new kneejerk reaction I've developed," said Falcon. "Apparently, you and Fox have worthless side-special so long as we hold our shields."

"Well, dat's BALOGNA!" squawked Falco. He charged at Cap with his Falco Phantasm. However, just as Cap said, he hit the shield and bounced off, ending up with a deadly Falcon Punch to the beak that slowed down time and space while the camera zoomed in for uber-dramatic affects.

Mewtwo trudged over to Cap, watching as Falco was far flung like a star ally. "That's some physics…" he said. He then took a slurp of his lemon-lime coolata. Then he choked in both of his necks and keeled over dead.

Dr. Mario rushed on over and performed CPR on the legendary mutant alien cat/kangaroo thing. Mewtwo awoke and gave the doctor a big hug for the saving of his grand, floaty life.

Dr. Mario cried though. "What's wrong?" asked Cap.

"I do not have a wedding costume, so Mewtwo and I shan't be wed!" cried Doc.

Everyone wept bitter tears for the failed joining of two glorious souls. DK came up and showed off his sad face of weepiness too because like most of the returning roster, Donkey Kong has become much more expressive than in the previous games.

Meanwhile, Falco had landed at the Moray Towers. "I refuse to believe everyone is here!" pouted Falco because he was the saltiest smasher in the universe. He was even saltier than Omni's first reaction to Bayo and that is pretty lethal when you think about it.

Bowser was running around covered from head to tootsie in ink. "Yo, Falco! I'm totally gonna receive more damage based on a gimmick!" cried Bowser. He was then disposed of in a gruesome manner by the Inklings. Bowser wailed in agony as he was subdued and it haunted Falco for weeks.

Falco continued to pout arrogantly however. This was because he was a TRUE Nintendo fan and not a pleb like Kobe Bryant.

That afternoon, there was a knock on his door. Fox opened the door while still crying about his Reflector nerf. It was Greninja and Lucario.

"What madness is this!" cawed Falco. He shoved Fox out of the way and punched the two Pokemon in the face. "Mewtwo was one thing, but you two is heres too! I refuse ta believe it!"

"That's not stinkin' all!" said Luke hotly as he shuffled his tantalising bunzies like the most attractive devil this side of Fourside (which is finally coming back).

"Oh good gravy!" grumbled Falco. He looked down and saw Pichu. "Y'all can't be serious!"

"Ooooooooooh baby!" squealed Greninja. He flexed like a ninja because that's what all the cool kids do these days.

Falco screamed and pulled out his blaster. He blasted the steel behind clean off of Lucario. Lucario screamed, so Pichu ran over and retrieved the fallen comrade, returning it to its rightful owner. Luke put his butt back on and scowled at Falco. "You are such a jerk, Falco!" he barked at the feathered freak. "You should learn about prettiness and glory sometime!"

The three Pokemon ran off because Falco's mean look was not very effective (and also because Fox's incompetent wailing was starting to freak them all out).

Falco watched them leave and gritted his teeth angrily. "I don't get why everyone is here!" he yelled. "Fox, we should go visit Mustard Hero Sassy Pie right now and give him a piece o' my mind!"

Fox didn't hear his friend though. He was still too busy weeping and polishing Wolf's boots.

Falco rolled his eyes and ran to Smash HQ. "I'm gonna kick that guy in da face!"

"Not so fast, Falco!" said Ryu, facing Falco.

"RYU!? You exist too?"

"Si, and so es mi amigo."

Mega Man appeared behind Ryu and flexed his Capcom-infused metal cakes.

Falco rolled his eyes again. "Dis is a new low, Sakurai! It's only a mattuh of time before you let in Cloud and Bayo and let them break every-ting again!"

"Oh they're already here," said Ryu, still facing Falco because he has to or else he might make accidental inputs, tarnishing his combo record.

"Dagnabbit!" squawked Falco. He ran into Smash HQ and barged into Sakurai's room. "All right, Bossman! Time to stop bein' such a moron!"

"Moron?" said Sakurai surprise. "Have I done anything to offend anyone, Falco?"

"I'll say! You ruined everything!"

Ridley crashed through the door and screeched like a raving rabbid. He held up a contract and handed it to Sakurai. "Oh, thank you for the scaling privileges! We hope to see you soon!"

Ridley screeched again and gave Sakurai a thumbs-up. He unfurled his wing and bolted out through the ceiling so he could go to his Mega Man-killing practice.

Falco screamed and readied his blaster. "I am so mad, Sakurai! You are changing the game too much!"

Sakurai sighed. "Look, I tried to be nice, Falco, but you leave me no choice." Sakurai pulled out a small box out from under his desk and opened it. Inside was a big red button.

"What dat?" asked Falco.

Sakurai slammed his finger on the button. "Now Waluigi is an Assist Trophy forever."

"NOOOOOOO!"

And now you know.

It was Falco's fault.


End file.
